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 Co-sleeping
- Making it Work
Definition: Co-sleeping, also called the family bed, is a practice
in which babies and young children sleep with one or both parents.
Co-Sleeping –
Making it Work and Making it Safe - By Elizabeth
Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care
Question: We’re expecting
our first baby soon and thinking about using a family bed. We’ve
done a lot of research on the “whys” ¾ and there’s lots of
information out there. But what about the practical tips? How do we
set things up?
Learn about it
The family bed,
co-sleeping, shared sleep ¾ no matter what you call it, it means
that your baby sleeps with you, or very close to you. The family bed
is becoming more and more common (or perhaps it’s always been common
but more people are now talking about it.) Sharing sleep is very
popular with parents (particularly nursing mothers) of young babies
who wake throughout the night, since it allows parents to avoid
getting up out of bed and traveling up and down a dark hallway.
Co-sleeping is popular also with parents of older babies who enjoy
the nighttime closeness with their child.
There are as many
different styles of family beds as there are families! Here are a
few of the typical sleeping arrangements:
The family bed:
Parents and baby sleep together in one bed ¾ usually king-sized.
Side-by-side: The
child sleeps on a separate mattress or futon on the floor next to
the parent’s bed.
Sidecar: A cradle
or crib is nestled adjacent to the parent’s bed, sometimes with one
side of the crib removed.
Shared room: The baby and parents have separate beds in the same
room.
The use of these
arrangements varies from home to home also. Some of the common sleep
situations are:
Shared sleep with
the baby during the night and for naps.
Part-time shared
sleep for either naps or nighttime only, or some of both, with baby
in a crib, cradle or other place for other sleep times.
Mom’s dual beds is
a common setup in which Mommy has one place where she sleeps with
the baby, and another where she sleeps with her husband. She moves
back and forth between beds based on how often the baby wakes up and
how tired she is on any given night.
Musical beds are a
common arrangement. There are several beds in different rooms, and
parents and baby shift from place to place depending on each
evening’s situation.
Occasional family
bed is when the baby has her own crib or bed but is welcomed into
the parent’s bed whenever she has a bad dream, feels sick, or needs
some extra cuddle time.
Sibling bed is
often a natural followup to the family bed. Older children share
sleep after they outgrow the need for the parent’s bed or the
sidecar arrangement.
How to decide
Every family has
different nighttime needs. There is no single best arrangement that
works for all babies and parents. Even within a family, there may be
several “right” options to choose from. The key is to find the
solution that feels right to everyone in your family.
It’s very
important to eliminate your need or desire to satisfy anyone else’s
perception of what you should be doing. In other words, no matter
what your in-laws, your neighbors, your pediatrician, or your
favorite author says about sleeping arrangements, the only “right”
answer is the one that works for the people living in your home.
Making it safe
If you decide to
have your baby sleep with you, either for naps or at nighttime, you
should adhere to the following safety guidelines:
 § Your bed
must be absolutely safe for your baby. The best choice is to place
the mattress on the floor, making sure there are no crevices that
your baby can become wedged in. Make certain your mattress is flat,
firm, and smooth. Do not allow your baby to sleep on a soft surface
such as a waterbed, sofa, pillow-top mattress, or any other flexible
surface.
§ Make
certain that your fitted sheets stay secure and cannot be pulled
lose.
§ If your
bed is raised off the floor, use mesh guardrails to prevent Baby
from rolling off the bed, and be especially careful that there is no
space between the mattress and headboard or footboard. (Some
guardrails designed for older children are not safe for babies
because they have spaces that could entrap babies.)
§ If your
bed is placed against a wall or other furniture, check every night
to be sure there is no space between the mattress and wall or
furniture where baby could become stuck.
§ Infants
should be placed between their mother and the wall or guardrail.
Fathers, siblings, and grandparents don't have the same instinctual
awareness of a baby’s location as mothers do. Mothers, your little
one should be able to awaken you with a minimum of movement or
noise. If you find that you are such a deep sleeper that you only
wake when your baby lets out a loud cry, you should seriously
consider moving Baby out of your bed, perhaps in to a cradle or crib
near your bedside.
§ Use a
large mattress to provide ample room for everyone’s movement.
§ Consider
a sidecar arrangement in which Baby’s crib or cradle sits directly
beside the main bed as one option.
§ Make
certain that the room your baby sleeps in, and any room he might
have access to, is child-safe. (Imagine your baby crawling out of
bed to explore the house as you sleep. Even if he has not done this
— yet — you can be certain he eventually will!)
§ Do not
ever sleep with your baby if you have been drinking alcohol, have
used any drugs or medications, are an especially sound sleeper or if
you are suffering from sleep deprivation and find it difficult to
awaken.
§ Do not
sleep with your baby if you are a large person, as a parent’s excess
weight has been determined to pose a risk to baby in a co-sleeping
situation. While I cannot give you a specific parent’s weight to
baby ratio, examine how you and Baby settle in next to each other.
If Baby rolls towards you, if there is a large dip in the mattress,
or if you suspect any other dangerous situations, play it safe and
move Baby to a bedside crib or cradle.
§ Remove
all pillows and blankets during the early months. Use extreme
caution when adding pillows or blankets as your baby gets older.
Dress Baby and yourselves warmly. (A tip for breastfeeding moms:
wear an old turtleneck or t-shirt, cut up the middle to the
neckline, as an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep in mind that body
heat will add warmth during the night. Make sure your baby doesn’t
become overheated.
§ Do not
wear any night-clothes with strings or long ribbons. Don’t wear
jewelry to bed, and if your hair is long, put it up.
§ Don’t
use strong perfumes or lotions that may affect your baby’s delicate
senses.
§ Do not
allow pets to sleep in bed with your baby.
§ Never
leave your baby alone in an adult bed unless it is perfectly safe.
For example, placing Baby on a mattress on the floor in a childproof
room, when you are nearby or listening in with a reliable baby
monitor.
§ As of
the now there are no proven safety devises for use in protecting a
baby in an adult bed. However, as a result of the great number of
parents who wish to sleep safely with their babies, a number of new
inventions are beginning to appear in baby catalogs and stores. You
may want to look into some of these nests, wedges and cradles.
§ Make
sure that your young baby is sleeping on his or her back – the
safest position for sleep.
When to make
changes
Sleeping
situations tend to go through a transformation process throughout
the early years of a baby’s life. Some families make a conscious
decision to co-sleep with their babies until they feel that their
children are ready for independent sleeping. Some families make
modifications as their babies begin to sleep better at night. Other
families move their babies to cribs to accommodate a need for
private sleep. The best advice is, go with the flow ¾ and make
adjustments according to what works best for you.
For more
information
The No-Cry Sleep
Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
By Elizabeth
Pantley (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, March 2002)
Nighttime
Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep
By Dr. William
Sears (Plume, November 1999)
Good Nights: The
Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (And a Peaceful Night's
Sleep)
by
Jay Gordon (Griffin Trade Paperback, July 2002)
This article is a
copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley.
(McGraw-Hill, 2003)
Also Read:
Crib Tales - Sleeping With Baby
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