Over the past week or so a few comments made by one of my children and certain current events (Prop 8 trial) made me think we need to spend some time visiting the issue of tolerance as a family. One of the comments by my child made me wonder if their school isn't actually segregating the children to some degree. There is a large group of kids that attend their school that are racially and religiously different than what you might find typical in this particular area. I see them every day getting on and off their buses so I know that there are many of them and yet neither of my kids (in two different grades) shares a classroom with any of them. They have two buses to themselves as well. I find the idea disturbing because part of the draw for me in sending them to public school is for them to be part of a diverse group of kids. And yet my kids are not getting that experience at all.

I have also been really disheartened by all the legislature enacted by certain states in the past few years that are naught but hateful attempts to deny gay and lesbian families their civil rights. I have been following the Prop 8 trial since it began last week and it just makes me so angry. I guess I have an intolerance problem myself. I am intolerant of intolerance. I don't want my kids to be around people who are judgemental of the race, morality, or choices of other people and yet isn't intolerance a choice in itself? This feels like one of those chicken or egg arguments.

I found the race and ethnicity discussion with my own kids to be not so tough to handle in large part because they have so many family members that do not look like them. My kids have MANY Japanese relatives since my mother has 7 Japanese siblings. My SIL and nephews are Chinese. Having a diverse family helps. But yet we live in an area where prejudice is alive and well. I think we need to start reading some books that address and tackle intolerance so I made a list of ideal books. Do you have any to share?

Amazing Grace – Grace loves stories, whether she hears them, reads them, or makes them up. Possessed with a marvelous imagination as well as a strong flair for the dramatic, she acts the stories out, always giving herself the most exciting parts. Thus, it is natural when her teacher announces a classroom production of Peter Pan , that Grace wants to play the lead. One classmate says she can't because she's a girl and another says she can't because she's black. When a saddened Grace relates the days events to her mother and grandmother, they tell her she can be anything she wants to, if she puts her mind to it. Inspired by her family's support, her own indomitable spirit, and an excursion to a weekend ballet starring a lovely Trinidadian dancer, Grace shines during her audition, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind as to who will play Peter Pan.

Oliver Button Is a Sissy - Oliver Button is a boy who likes to do things that go against the stereotypical things that boys do, such as dance. Other boys at school tease him and call him names. Even at home he is told he should do more "boy things". But by staying true to himself he finds what he is good at and what make shim shine and the jeering stops.

Be Good to Eddie Lee – A young girl discovers a new capacity for friendship when she spends some time with a neighbor boy who has Down's Syndrome. Christy's mother has told her to "be good to Eddie Lee," but Christy, however, would rather go wading with her friend JimBud than be pestered by Eddie Lee. But when Eddie Lee, uninvited, follows the two kids, Christy reluctantly includes her neighbor and is pleasantly surprised at how the afternoon turns out. 

A Coat of Many Colors – This story is about a little girt whose mother has no money for a new coat so she sews one out of rags and the child is teased by her classmates. This book is based on the Dolly Parton song.

Don't Laugh at Me – Another book based on a song. The story is about the ridicule suffered by a boy with glasses, a girl who wears braces and a wheelchair-bound child, among others, ultimately uniting the voices of the bullied in the verse "Don't laugh at me. Don't call me names. Don't get your pleasure from my pain. In God's eyes we're all the same."

Come Sit By Me - Karen's friend Nicholas has AIDS. When Karen's parents find out that Nicholas is being left out by the other children, they help organize a meeting to address fears of both caregivers and children.

Mommy, Mama, and Me - Rhythmic text and illustrations with universal appeal show a toddler spending the day with his mommies. From hide-and-seek to dress-up, then bath time and a kiss goodnight, there's no limit to what a loving family can do together. Also Daddy, Papa, and Me.

Muslim Child – This book presents aspects of the daily lives of Muslim youngsters in various locales, including Canada, the U.S., Nigeria, and Pakistan. The child's-eye view substantially increases the likelihood that non-Muslim readers will be able to internalize and understand what the protagonists are feeling and thinking, even if the religious basis of those thoughts and emotions is unfamiliar.

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Over the weekend I dived into a book I have been meaning to read for the past few weeks. I guess with all the holiday activity recently it didn't seem like the best time to read it, just in case I decided to act on any of the action plans contained in the book. I am glad I waited until I could give it my full attention because it is a rare gem.

The book is Simplicity Parenting – Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids. I assumed it was a book about voluntary simplicity but focused on kids and it is that but also so much more. The author, Kim John Payne is a therapist and he worked for many years in war torn areas of the third world helping kids with post traumatic stress issues. Ironically when his career changed directions and he came to practice in the US he noticed something strange about the children he was now treating. The children in this New England town that he was hired to help also showed the classic signs of post traumatic stress. But how could that be? These kids didn't live in a war ravaged country or have to fight for their very survival. What did they have to be so stressed about?

Basically he found that all the stuff going in on their lives was taking away from their childhoods and that they were becoming stressed. Many of the quirks that all kids have were becoming full blown disorders because of the stressful lives they were living… ADD, ADHD, OCD, ODD, etc. Some kids dealt with this stress and overabundance of activities and things in their lives by regressing into their own world (ADD, ADHD) and some would struggle to get control (OCD, ODD) but usually it all stemmed from the same problem, stress brought on by the life and lifestyle of the family. This particular therapist created a very successful practice and became Internationally renowned by helping parents to change the way they lived and parented by getting back to simplicity. These families and kids had too much stuff, too many choices, and too little time.

The book has basic action plans for simplifying the family dynamic.. decluttering the environment, establishing comforting rituals and routines, scheduling breaks, and scaling back on media and parental "hovering".

I especially liked that the chapters on decluttering the home had lists of things to look for in toys and entertainment to either qualify or disqualify them as something we should have in the home. It brought up many things I hadn't considered and yet many were things that I have considered already in my drive to parent "naturally". It compliments natural parenting very well in fact. One statistic that was horrifying to read is that the average American child has around 150 toys. Even more horrifying is that before I adopted a more natural and green lifestyle I am positive my kids had double that number. How can a single child possibly play with 150 toys and be responsible for keeping them tidy? That is overload. One area that I hadn't considered is book overload and I think my kids are nearing or past that point. The book made a lot of great points about why we should not have more than half a dozen books in our kids rooms and wow it REALLY made sense. It made a case for how we might actually be impeding their love of reading by giving them access to that many books and several real life examples were shown.

With toys and books it is recommended that we store the majority of the "keepers" in a place out of their reach and use these collections as sort of a lending library. The book has motivated some BIG time decluttering in this house, specifically in the kids rooms. In my daughter's room for instance all her toys now fit in two small baskets under her bed. My oldest son's are in a chest in his closet and it is not even a 1/4 full. Just as promised by the author… they never even noticed the change. I also loved the idea of creating a small art center in each child's room… just a table, chair, and art supplies.

Another suggestion I loved in the book had to with routines. I like to keep the mornings peaceful and unhurried so I loved the idea of one the author's clients to light a candle at the breakfast table instead of turning lights on. Awhile back the light over our kitchen table malfunctioned and not wanting to deal with expense of an electrician we opted to eat by candlelight and I really miss that so I am inspired to bring that back (even though our light works). I have to have 3 candles, one for each child to blow out, so there is no fighting over this honor, LOL.

It had great information about the importance of family dinners and simplyfing that whole routine as well. The author's family does a moment of silence to set the mood for the meal and that didn't interest me so much but I loved the alternative suggestion to spend a moment giving thanks even for secular families like mine. Aka thanks to the farmers who grew these vegetables, thanks to Nana who who passed on this delicious recipe to us, and allowing the kids to express what they are thankful for. I like rituals like this that have no religious overtones.

Also good was the chapter on TV and media. I read it after reading a blog post on a mom blog about the benefits and joys of TV and how parents who try and restrict TV are being fear mongers. The week before I had visited a blog that is dedicated to helping parents avoid "hovering" and let heir kids have more meaningful and freeing experiences while learning self reliance. I was dissapointed to learn (after a recent post) that these concepts were not so much the result of the author's dedication to child development but rather the desire to have her kids out of her hair and not bothering her, so the electronic babysitter was a big hit in their house. It seemed almost the exact opposite of what her blog represented so I felt kinda tricked and thus discouraged about TV and media.

Simplicity Parenting was refreshing and helped to reinforce that lots of TV exposure over all can be very damaging. Kids don't have meaningful experiences in front of the TV and they don't learn self reliance from it either. More often than not they learn to sit and be entertained instead of creating exciting real life experiences. More often than not they learn to be consumers and feel that they don't have enough and that their lives are not enough. TV is designed to impart those messages… otherwise why would 16 billion be invested annually in using the TV to market to children??? If it wasn't working EXACTLY as they intended than they wouldn't be spending that much money. Think about it.

I do believe that the TV can be a window to exciting possibilities. I love the show Man Versus Wild for example and various Discovery Channel programs are wonderful. BUT the TV can also be a window into adult content and ideas that kids are not mature enough for and it can easily replace real life adventures and that is truly sad. This book has confirmed for me that we need to do even more in regards to discouraging TV viewing.

Other areas addressed in the book are parental hovering and also overscheduling our kids. Particular attention is paid to sports and it has much to say in regards to the argument you hear from many parents that sports have all these important life lessons to teach and that they help keeps kids out of trouble. It is not anti-sports, rather pro sports with some much needed perspective.

Overall, a great book with really helpful ideas for addressing one of the biggest issues we are facing… the fast paced, highly stressed, materialistic, overwhelming nature of today's childhood and what we can do to help create change. The advice stop notch and the real life stories of how families and children applied this advice and benefited was very heart warming.

Some other reference books mentioned by the author include: The Hurried Child, The Power of Play,The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap

Something miraculous has happened in our home. Every morning I get to wake up to a clean house and the feeling is sooooo nice!!

A couple weeks ago I bartered for house cleaning services and my house was whipped into shape. I absolutely LOVE getting up to sparkly floors and NO toys on the floor. Gone were the days of pretending that the kids toys, books, and clothing all over the floor was actually a burglary early warning system. BUT after everything was super clean I started to notice every little thing that was carelessly tossed or dirtied without without cleaning up afterwards. I would seethe upon finding the sink full of dishes after dinner from the night before since we have always agreed to a "the cook doesn't clean" policy. When someone "put away" the clean clothes from the dryer by throwing them on the desk nearby I thought I was going to implode soon. Rather than implode I opted to request… no, insist… I get help.

I have always loved that poem about letting things get dirty while you raise your babies because you won't get that time back… you know the one I am talking about? But my kids are getting older and I spend all day with them already so now I got to thinking that it was time to start keeping things clean AND having them take responsibility for their own messes. But I have always resisted chores. I guess it is because I really only had one chore growing up (dishes) and the only other families I knew who had "chores"… well sorry but to me it looked like lazy parents who sat on their butts while the kids did all the cleaning. I remember being at their houses while the parents sat in recliners barking orders while kids scrubbed toilets and mopped floors, all the while listening to lectures about how they (the parents) have jobs and kids are leaches. I swore I would never do that to my kids.. that I would adopt a "get off your butt" style of parenting and not make my kids be my servants. And yet here I was needing their help.

I still think the best way to teach kids something is by modeling it. They have no idea how hard you work at your job they only know what they see when they are with you. So the solution to my problem was obvious. We would all clean together.

I sat everyone down and told them about a new 15 minute clean-up we would be having every evening. Every member of the family would have to pitch in and help, we would throw on some on groovy dance music while we worked, and the kids would be paid for their help. The result has been miraculous.

Each child has a specific area to clean up.. my daughter picks up in the living room and hallway and wipes down the kitchen table, my oldest son picks up in the den and vacuums or sweeps the den and kitchen, and my youngest is given random tasks. If I cooked than hubby cleans the kitchen while I dust the house and clean up desks, bookshelves, sort laundry, etc. We reverse that if he cooks. In the evening when they are in bed I usually mop the kitchen floor and the living room. Some nights they are grumpy or tired and ask why they have to do this and I just say that we makes messes together so we need to clean up together.

Every evening the house gets cleaned and I am so thrilled! If only I could find a solution for their bedrooms.

Do you have chores in your home? Why of why not? What works for you?

Family Volunteering Vacations – What are They?

The typical family vacations are normally all about having fun or visiting with family you don't see often. And of course there is nothing wrong with that! But another option to consider is a family volunteering vacation. Rather than spending your time lounging on the beach or standing in line at a high-priced amusement park, you can travel to a different area of the country or the world and help those less fortunate. Imagine what you and your kids could learn and from such an experience. I would wager it would be something they would remember much longer than they would riding Splash Mountain.

You’d be amazed at the number of organizations around the country and the world needing volunteers. While volunteering you may be able to help build an orphanage, help at centers for the disabled, or help build a home. With the number of natural disasters happening around the world and the large group of people who have been adversely affected by them, there is no shortage of things a family could do to help.

If you are interested in finding an opportunity for your family to volunteer during your next vacation, you can try to find something on your own. However, for the best volunteer opportunity abroad, you may want to contact an organization which specializes in setting up this type of vacation.

Global Citizens’ Network is one such organization. They welcome families with family members as young as eight and are looking for families which are open to new experiences. This may mean traveling to a foreign country, working long and hard hours, and being flexible. This type of program can cost as much as $2,000. Travel expenses are not included. Check with the organization to ensure they have staff that can accommodate the ages of your children if they are under the age of twelve.

Cross-Cultural Solutions is another organization which families can use to find volunteer opportunities, either in the United States or one of any number of countries. Those volunteering their time may plan a trip at any time during the year and may remain on the volunteer site for up to twelve weeks. 

Heritage Conservation Network specializes in setting up volunteering workshops for families at historic sites in the United States and the world. While the goal is to supply volunteer labor for preservation projects, those assisting can also learn a great deal about the local culture. Prices range from $300 to $2000 per week and are dependent upon the location where you’re volunteering.

You can find other family volunteering vacation ideas by searching on the internet. You can find an opportunity you like and perhaps look at home swaps or renting a private condo for a couple of weeks. Some children may balk at the idea of going on vacation and working the entire time. After the vacation is over, however, you may hear your children make comments about how much they’ve enjoyed themselves. They will certainly have some amazing stories to share in school. Don’t be surprised if they even ask you if they can do something similar the next year.

Hubby and I were talking recently about our how our nearly 6 year old daughter seems to be maturing so fast to the ways of the world. Already we have been hearing things come out of her mouth that are clearly to mature in content for her to know about. One time she almost caused her feminist grandmother to blow a gasket when she mentioned that wives who stay pregnant all the time don’t have to work. Last week she mentioned that kids can move and get their own place if they are unhappy with the house rules. In all instances she learned about these things from television or modern kids movies.

It got me to thinking about what I watched when I was young and most things that came to mind were very old shows… shows that would have been old even when I watched them. I have to hand it to my mom… somehow I grew up watching old classics and loving them. I watched the Mickey Mouse Club.. the black and white version with Anette Funicello. I watched the original Parent Trap with Hayley Mills. I was over the moon for Tommy Kirk from The Shaggy Dog and Peter McEnery from The Moon Spinners. In fact I remember looking up one of their addresses at the public library and writing to them, professing my adoration. In return I got an autographed photo and was stunned when the picture was clearly of an elderly man… I was confused to say the least.

It has put me on a mission to introduce some of those great old movies to my own kids. Movies about kids having adventures and just being kids. I think they will be a vastly better alternative to prime time Nick TV. Any of these sound familiar to you? They were my favorites.

Old Yeller – I get teary eyed just thinking of this movie and how it shows the love between a boy and his dog. I think my oldest son would really like it as he has two yellow labs in his life that he loves dearly. The draw for me was Tommy Kirk… could a young man get any cuter?? I think not.

Swiss Family Robinson – This is the ultimate family adventure IMO! I used to daydream about getting shipwrecked just like this family because I loved the way they lived. I wanted to go and live with them to make sure Ernst had a wife when he got old enough (yep Tommy Kirk again). My younger brother and I would run to the Swiss Family Tree House every Christmas when we went on our annual trip to Disneyland. I still love this movie to this day because it is a story about a family’s love and the greatest adventure of their lives and how it makes them see what is really important.

The Shaggy Dog and The Shaggy DA – These are two separate movies, the original and the sequel. It is about a boy who finds a mysterious magic ring that turns him in to a sheepdog. The sequel features him as an adult.

The Moon Spinners – I could go on all day about how I love this movie and I still watch it every year. It is about a young girl named Nikki (Hayley Mills) and her Aunt going on vacation to Crete. Nikki meets and become enamoured with a young man named Mark, that she meets at a party. The next day she is sightseeing and wandering through an old crypt when she stumbles upon Mark, shot and wounded badly. It turns out Mark has tracked jewel thieves from his home in England to this island and now both of them have to run for their lives.

The Parent Trap – Another Hayley Mills movie about twins separated at birth that accidentally discover each other when they are sent to the same summer camp. I love the re-make of this movie with a very young Lindsey Lohan too.

Annie - Another movie I have to watch every year. It brings back memories of seeing the Broadway play version with my grandmother when I was little. The adorable redhead, Daddy Warbucks, the idea that abused orphans find happiness… its good stuff!

Camille – Okay this one isn’t for kids… teen or tween girls maybe. I fell in love with this movie when I was about 12 I think and it was Annie that made me seek it out. When Annie goes to the movies for the first time this is the movie she sees and the end scene was so moving I wanted to see the whole film. It is basically about a young man (Armand) who falls in love with a courtesan played by Greta Garbo. She falls in love with him as well but pushes him away at first not wanting to tarnish his name by association but he will not give up. Her debt and her relationship to a very powerful man put her love in danger so she betrays him in the hope that he will realize she is no good and give up. When Armand discovers that she was trying to protect him and that his own family begged her to leave him, he tracks her down with the intention to marry her once and for all. Sadly when he finds her, he discovers that she is dying from a terminal illness. This one is a cry fest!

The Sea Gypsies (Originally titled Shipwreck) – Travis and his two daughters, Courtney and Samantha, set off on a trip around the world on a sailboat. Along for the trip is Kelly, a journalist who has been assigned to cover the voyage. Also, Jesse, a stowaway, is found aboard adding a fifth person on the trip. Soon, they are shipwrecked on a deserted island and must learn how to survive together in a dangerous environment.

The Monkey’s Uncle – Yep, Tommy Kirk (again). My little brother and I LOVED this movie. It is about a genius college student named Merlin Jones. He adopts a chimpanzee named Stanley, and makes him his legal “nephew” (an experiment to raise Stanley as a human). Merlin ends up inventing a man-powered airplane and a sleep-learning system all the while raising a chimp and hilarity ensues.

The Wilderness Family – Another story of family adventuring… Skip Robinson is a city-dwelling construction worker. His family is tired of the city and move to the mountains with no plans to return. After fixing their own cabin, they settle in to find out that their environment isn’t always peaceful. A pack of wolves, an angry lioness, and a menacing grizzly bear harass the Robinsons, in their otherwise happy new home. This movie has two sequels as well.

Savannah Smiles – Oh how I adored this movie! It is actually about a 7 year old little girl of a US politician who runs away from home. She accidentally ends up in the car of two convicts who can’t exactly turn her over to the police without turning themselves in. While they try to figure out what to do with her this little girl captures their hearts and makes them want to be better men. I like it because it shows how children really can be the motivation to better ourselves. Just look at this adorable clip:

Cloak and Dagger - An 11 year old boy who is mourning the death of his mother gets a bit carried away with his role playing a game called Cloak and Dagger. He is even seeing an imaginary friend based on the character he loves.. Jack Flack. One day Davey’s friend Morris who owns a video game shop sends Davey on an errand, where Davey witnesses a murder. Right before the victim dies, he gives Davey a Cloak & Dagger video-game cartridge that supposedly contains important military secrets. Davey seeks help from the authorities but they simply believe him to be engaging in fantasy play. Only this time its not a game.

Did you watch any of these? Or have any to add to this list of must see family classics?