Tomorrow is the Day I Have Been Dreading

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Tomorrow morning is the day I have been dreading for many weeks now. My chemotherapy starts tomorrow. On many levels I am having a hard time with the fact that I will start pumping my body full of toxic chemicals, willfully allowing them to start killing off many healthy cells in the hope that the bad ones (cancer cells) will be killed off in the process. I read once that chemotherapy is like deciding you don’t like a painting that is hanging on your living room wall, so you burn down the house to get rid of it. Scary thought!

I had to sign a bunch of releases explaining potential risks and side effects, one of them being sterility. I figured that might be the case and ever since the diagnosis I have mentally prepared myself for the fact that Parker (my 7 month old baby and third child) will likely be my last child. Some of the other side effects are:

1. Decrease in white blood cells, platelets, and red blood cells.
2. Nausea and vomiting
3. Lip, throat, and mouth sores.
4. Severe diarrhea that can lead to hospitalization.
5. Hair loss - although I am told it should be mild with the specific drugs I am taking.
6. Prolonged bleeding
7. Numbness in fingers and toes
8. Tingling in the throat
9. A reduced sense of touch.
10. Sensitivity to cold.

What I want to know is can I upgrade the mild hair loss to full blown baldness in lieu of the diarrhea?

Now I am also doing some alternative therapies that will hopefully give my immune system a much needed boost as the chemo drugs all but knock it out. I even took the advice of one of my blog readers that commented on my initial post about the cancer. Dr. Patti “Diamondlady” Diamond, DD suggested I look into Herbal Healer and they were a wealth of information. Just as she mentioned in her post, there are many recommendations on that site for cancer patients, so I got 4-Herb Tea which is also known on their site as ESSIAC, it consists of the four herbs of Burdock Root, Sheep Sorrel, Slippery Elm, and Turkey Rhubarb. The tea came with a huge brochure of info and testimonials about its use among cancer patients. I also got Yew Tips to mix with the tea, HHA Beta Glutans with Maitake Mushroom, and Colloidal Silver.

I have a bunch of other stuff my mom and dad got me too after doing their own research

So am I ready? I don’t feel like it. I am very scared. I keep thinking…am I about to destroy my health? On purpose?!